“Mom……you are soooo annoying!”
I hear this quite a bit from my teenager and it always surprises me because I am really cool. Well, at least I think I am? I’m a younger mom for having a teenager, I dress fairly hip, we listen to most of the same music and I can hang with some lingo.
None of this matters.
Young mom, old mom, hot mom, funny mom. We will all annoy our kids at some point. Embrace it.
We’re their parents, not their BFF’s. While being a passenger in my car with my 16-year-old as the driver I had an epiphany. I annoy my daughter as much as my mom annoyed me. To my surprise, this didn’t bother me. She still has her learners permit for a few more months so I am still frequently reaching for the oh s&%t bar.
For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about its the handle above the door that only serves one purpose. To hold on for dear life. It apparently annoys her so bad when she can see me grabbing it in her peripheral vision. This, of course, evoked a “mom you are so annoying” and I busted up laughing because it immediately reminded me of my annoying mom. I can still see her body and shoulders jerking every time I had to switch lanes or enter the freeway.
The reassuring, nostalgic thoughts I had following this epiphany had me feeling a little emotional. As I am glancing over at my baby who is no longer a baby anymore I couldn’t help but see my little girl. I know this is starting to sound like that tear-jerking Subaru commercial. They honestly nailed it though.
You really do have a moment where you see their chubby cheeks and hear their angelic voices and all the worry comes piling on your chest but you make it.
Our parents made it and so will we. My glancing session didn’t last too long. She saw me looking at her in her peripheral vision again and that annoyed her too. Weird.
I struggle with guilt sometimes for not bringing my teenager into a “conventional family” We pretty much grew up together at times which of course involved her having to see me make mistakes as I navigated my way through young adulthood. I had a lot of help from my mom and others. It definitely took a village. I learned a lot from that annoying mom of mine. She loved me through every really stupid mistake I made.
She taught me how to be a mom and a wife. I didn’t even know I was being taught anything as I was just watching her be my mom.
I learned forgiveness from her when she would knock on my door after a big fight and we would just hug. If she didn’t knock on my door I would cry louder so she would here me or stand at the top of the stairs and call her name. I needed to know that we forgave each other.
I learned how to be emotionally available with every note she would put in my lunch box. They usually started with Roses are red violets are blue do you have any idea how much I love you? I remember going through a phase when these letters embarrassed me. I would discretely look in my lunch box before I would fling it open. If it was there I would tuck it in my pocket and hope my friends didn’t see it. If it wasn’t there I was disappointed. I, of course, do this for my daughter too. I hope it makes her smile.
I learned how to be creative with the many made up games, songs, and arts and crafts we did. I spy in the doctor’s office. Yummy I’ve got food in my tummy and it makes me feel mmmm mmmmm good song. She swore she made this one up until one day I was walking through the grocery store and heard the same song except it was love in my tummy instead of food. Oh, and I have the same arts and crafts box above my fridge that I did as a kid.
She showed me empathy with every sick bed she made me on the couch. The sheets were perfectly tight and the fold down looked like a four seasons resort bed. She waited on me hand and foot. Chocolate malts, cold compresses for my forehead and lots of cuddles. My daughter faked sick quite a few times and always requested one of these sick beds.
My mom showed me affection in so many ways, but what I remember loving most was her reassuring pats on my legs when she was driving. We were usually harmonizing to the Judd’s. The endless back tickles that she selflessly gave every night no matter how tired she was were pretty awesome too.
I’m not so worried about how annoying I am right now. I think it’s all part of the process. She’ll come back. I did. My mom still grabs that handle above the door when I drive.
Guess what? It doesn’t annoy me anymore. We are not perfect moms. My mom was not perfect. We make mistakes. She made a ton of them. Our kids are probably going to remember some bad stuff too. This is Okay. If my daughter can remember just a few of the things above and it brings a tear to her eye, a feeling of fullness in her soul, and the desire to do the same for her children, then I did ok. I love you, mama.
Happy Mothers Day.
