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When Your Stepchild Hates You

When your stepchild hates you and there’s nothing you can do but take it – it hurts. 

when your stepchild hates you

I have four children.  One of them is not mine biologically.  But whenever anyone asks how many children I have, I generally say four.  Unless someone is specifically asking how many I birthed.  Or sometimes how many are actually yours.

Awhile back I did something that I shouldn’t have done.  I scrolled through text messages between my stepchild and his Uncle.  And what I read made me start to shake.  I’m not sure why I was shaking.  Maybe it was because after all these years I’m still apparently a piece of crap.  After bending over backward to make this whole situation work I’m still the wicked witch.

When your stepchild hates you – it sucks.

I have lots of friends that remind me that one day my stepson will look back on his life and realize I was always there taking care of him.  I was the one who picked him up from school, made his dinner, attended all of his practices, and picked out presents that I knew he would love.  

I’m not saying this to have a pity party or to say woe is me.  I understand my stepson is caught in a world of hurt.  His parents got divorced when he was young.  Then I married his dad and popped out three more humans.  I get it. Life for him has not been fair – at all.  He’s caught between two worlds and doesn’t get a choice about what happens.  

But trying so hard to love someone who just doesn’t want to love you back is tiring.  

When your stepchild hates you – it can put a wedge in your marriage.

My husband and I have been together for fifteen years.  And during our marriage, we have dealt with a lot of hurt and fallout from his divorce.  There were many times I thought it would have been so much easier if I would have just walked away.  That this marriage was just not worth it.  

There were Holiday concessions that I had to just suck up because the schedule of my stepchild came first.  Insert wedge here.  

But as I got older and matured – I realized that this wedge was something I had allowed.  And if my stepchild hated me no amount of turning on my husband was going to change it!  In fact, hating him back or my husband back or anyone for that matter wasn’t going to do any good.

When your stepchild hates you and you still have to parent – you’ll find out what you’re made of.

Despite the fact that my stepchild hates me, I still have to be his parent.  I am the adult in the situation and I can control myself.  I have to show him love – no matter what.  No matter how much my heart breaks when I think about those texts, no matter how much love goes unanswered. 

I can still love him.

The day may never come when he looks back on his life and thinks fondly of me.  And that’s something I have to live with.  Because isn’t that what love is? 

True unconditional love is giving without ever expecting anything in return.  Ever.


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One Response to When Your Stepchild Hates You

  1. JE January 4, 2018 at 12:12 pm #

    Hang in there! I have been telling myself that since 2010, everyday. I am not a bad person even if many think I am the wicked witch.