Seriously, stop trying to have it all! And before the comments roll in about how it IS possible, hang tight with me for one second.
We, as moms and women for that matter, are told that we HAVE to have it all or we are failing. And I’m not just talking about career vs. staying at home. I’m talking about a deeper sense of trying to have it all.
Trying to have it all with your friends.
There was a point in time, pre-kids, that I did, in fact, have it all with my friends. When was this glorious time? College. It was in college. I was single. I lived with my very best friends and we hung out for four years straight. I truly did have it all.
But now, I am lucky to get a coffee date or a phone call in. THANK GOD FOR THE INTERNET! I mean seriously, my mom lost most of her friends simply because they all had to be home at the exact same time and able to chat on the phone that was connected to a wall at the exact same moment.
THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A SECOND! I literally can’t imagine talking on a phone that was connected to a wall while trying to wrangle my children.
Trying to have it all with your significant other.
Yes, you may cohabitate but that doesn’t mean you’ve got it all. I’m guessing most of you even have to schedule sex! Which is actually a genius idea! But to think that you’ve got it all now that you have children is probably a stretch. And maybe it’s just me. But I feel like most people wouldn’t even remember the last time they went on a date night.
Between work, activities and just being tired intimacy can get sidelined. It becomes work. Which isn’t fun. Remember those first few months with your significant other? How does that compare to now? Not to say it isn’t a deeper intimacy, but it’s also a different intimacy.
Trying to have it all in your home.
The perfect house. The clean, immaculately decorated, perfect smelling home. If this is you, congratulations you WIN! If you’re like me it’s a fairy tale you’re waiting to find.
I used to have it all in my home. When I didn’t have children and no one was in my house until 7pm when my husband and I got home from work. When crafts were not something spread out on the kitchen table and legos weren’t even a thought in my head.
Tiny people and cleanliness don’t go hand in hand. And if you’ve figured out the magic formula please share!!
Trying to have it all “online”.
Social Media. It’s a beast. And I truly do believe that people can become depressed over what they see online. I have friends that appear to live the coolest life ever. All they post is them doing things. It feels like every single day. And sometimes it’s hard not to reflect and think why am I not doing something all of the time? Why am I not invited?
It’s like junior high except everything is perfectly photographed and in your face. Keeping up with the Kardashians is harder than ever!
So, just stop trying to have it all.
I know, it’s hard, but just stop! Things won’t ever be the way they were before you had kids. Friendships will change, your body will change, your relationship with your significant other will change, YOU WILL CHANGE!
And the sooner your embrace yourself, your life, your “new normal” so to speak – the happier you’ll be. Some days you’ll have it all with your kids and other days you’ll have it all at work. But most likely those days will not be the same day and that’s okay.
And really, isn’t having it all simply being happy with yourself? Being confident in yourself and your life? That to me is truly having it all!