Marriage takes time and commitment.
How do you keep your marriage alive and thriving when time is an issue? Whether you are in the stage of little ones or older children, having your marriage focused only on your children will hurt your marriage in the long run. It at times is hard to imagine, but one day your children will be gone and you will be left with one another. Resentment builds between spouses when you are competing so much for each other’s time. It is important to be intentional to make it work.
Take Time To Communicate
I am sure you may have heard communication is key, but there is something to that statement. According to a survey conducted by Your Tango.com, the number one reason for divorce is lack of communication. Taking time to listen to one another and “actually listen” is so important. Having a weekly check in when the kids are asleep and there are no distractions can save your marriage. If you are not checking into what is going on with one another, distance can put a wedge between you and your spouse.
Talk about what is going on in each other’s lives. Don’t just talk about the kids. Now this can be difficult, especially if your kids are the main focus in your life at the moment. Talk about each other’s dreams, desires, goals, and hopes. If things have been rocky in your marriage, having the discussions of what worked well and what was not so great in your marriage is helpful.
Take Time For Conflict
Don’t be afraid of conflict. Sometimes healthy conflict can bring healing and change. Healthy conflict is not screaming at each other or stonewalling (ignoring, shutting down) your spouse. Sometimes things are said that can’t be taken back, and the damage may not be easily repaired. It is talking about the stuff that hurts in a way that is respectful of the other person. This can take work and can be a process.
Depending on your background, you may be a type that starts to yell, get defensive, or stonewall your spouse during conflict. Being aware of what you tend to naturally do in a conflict will help you be more aware when things get heated. It is not easy to stop doing what you naturally tend to do, but changing unhealthy habits can bring about positive change in your marriage.
Take Time For Date Nights
When your marriage is starved for time, taking time to enjoy one another and connect is so important. Whether it is going for dinner, taking a walk, or doing something that you both enjoy is great. Try doing activities where there is interaction and time to enjoy one another.
One of my favorite things to do with my spouse is going for walks. We just get a babysitter for an hour every other week so we can take a walk around the block. During this time we have some great conversations about life and what is going on in our lives. We also like to go to dinner, but it is our walks together that I enjoy the most.
The things that I have discussed I share because they are things I have had to work on and continue to work on in my marriage. Marriage is tough and hard work at times, but it is so worth it! If you are in a place where times are tough, just know you are not alone. Don’t give up! When you get through the difficult seasons, it makes the better seasons even sweeter.
