The other morning I was attempting to go to the bathroom in peace. However, as a mother of a three-year-old and six-month-old, that never happens. Both of my boys were trying to get my attention as I was doing my business.
My blood pressure rose.
An hour later I decided to shower, a novel idea. As I was in the shower my three-year-old decided to get all of my nail polish out of the basket and my six-month-old decided to wake up from his nap. Therefore no legs were shaved. My blood pressure began to rise into the unmanageable level.
I quickly had to get dressed in order to calm my crying baby and prevent my child from spilling nail polish all over my tile floor. Simple up-do for the hair with no makeup and of course sweats, my uniform of choice.
This is the point in the day when I started to not love my husband. It seems weird and almost ironic that the love I have for my husband can be so easily twisted by the envy I have for his ability to get ready in the morning.
When I stop loving him during the day I start thinking of all the reasons he has it so easy and I have it so rough. He gets to get ready in peace because he’s getting ready for work so he can’t multitask children while doing so. He wants to play soccer after work and never thinks twice about who will watch the kids. He needs to work from home so it’s either take the kids out of the house or try to keep them quiet downstairs. (We all know that NEVER works)
Unfortunately, this is when I start to get bitter.
I had one particular day when I didn’t feel like cooking and asked my husband to pick up Subway. I texted him my order. He came home and said he hoped he got the order right because his phone had died and he couldn’t remember what I wanted.
My blood pressure officially went off the charts.
I couldn’t believe that he didn’t know what I wanted from Subway. We have been together for almost 10 years and he literally didn’t even have a guess as to what I wanted?! I could tell you his order from almost every single restaurant we’ve ever been to! That night I was beyond mad. I was livid.
The next day I was still seething. I know it sounds ridiculous to be so upset over an order, but it was more than that. It was the daily grind of life. It was feeling like nothing I do or am is ever important enough to warrant time set aside just for me.
And then I started to realize that I was becoming incredibly unloving towards my husband.
Yes, he didn’t get my order correct and yes he still gets his bathroom time relatively kid-free, but he tries. He really truly tries. I wasn’t giving him enough credit. My husband works very hard so I can stay home with our kids. He never pressures me to get a job. He cleans up after I cook and he helps with the kids as much as possible.
I needed to start loving my husband.
It is so so SO easy for me not to love him. I can become a selfish monster in about two clicks, but for me and especially for my family I need to love him. I need to make loving him a priority. There will come a day when the little things that make me crazy are all but forgotten and I will be left with the man who I couldn’t love because I was too envious. When I look at it that way I can’t help but want to love him. I need to give myself grace as well as my husband.
Someday I will look back on this chaos and remember how crazy it truly was. And when I look back I want to make sure I’m looking back with my husband and not alone. Therefore, I will make every effort to love him because I want him there for ALL of the STUFF!
