I was holding my youngest baby the other day, he’s two but always my baby, and was getting really frustrated. I know I shouldn’t have been, but I was.
See, I felt like holding him was making it so that I couldn’t get things done. I had a whole list of things to get done and holding him wasn’t in my job description.
Because my job description consisted of
- working from home
- cleaning the table
- sweeping the floors
- starting dinner
- organizing the desk
- paying the bills
- filling out that paperwork for school
- deciding if I’m going to join the PTA
- picking up and dropping off at school
The list goes on and on.
And then as my son finally calmed down and I was able to figure out why he was SO upset {turns out he was really bothered by a snarled toenail. Kids. Am I right?} I realized that I was doing exactly what I had planned to do when I decided to quit my job five years ago and stay at home with my kids.
I was being a mother. A nurturer. A comfort-give and comfort-maker. I was his safety.
Holding my baby WAS my job!
No one else would be me to him. I am the only mother he has and if I am constantly feeling like taking care of him is taking away from my “real” responsibilities then I know I’ve got things turned upside down.
Sure the house needs to be cleaned and obviously, I need to pay the bills. BUT if I can’t enjoy the part of my job where I get to simply sit and hold my baby or worse feel GUILTY for doing so then I’ve got to rearrange my thinking.
I am so guilty of measuring myself based on productivity. I love checklists. I love crossing out things that I have accomplished. And never once have I put cuddling my kids as a task to get done during the day.
I’m so sad that I’m like this!
I have to remember that raising my babies is my first job. It’s the most important job I have. And cuddling them is the best perk in the world.
If I get it wrong – clean floors and organized desks won’t matter one bit.