I’m not sure why but coming up with a Father’s Day related post was hard for me. I have fond memories of Father’s Day and a very close relationship with my Dad but I had no ideas of what to write. I started to “interview” my husband about his experiences with Father’s Day growing up because I knew his experiences were very different than mine. I thought I bet there is a post in there…I was wrong. It was a bust. He had little to no memories and no emotions to share, it just wasn’t a big deal to him I guess.
So then, I asked him what Father’s Day meant to him now that he was a father. He said he felt proud.
“I don’t necessarily feel proud of myself, well maybe when I think of where I was and where I am now. “
(he was nervous about being a dad, and what kind of dad he wanted to be and he worked hard to be confident that he was ready and willing. He took the initiative to talk to a professional about his hang ups and his past. He is open and proud of this so he won’t mind me telling all of you.) Then he said,
“I’m proud of our relationship, I’m proud of our son and that I was part of making him. I don’t think I’m special, or an amazing dad, or doing anything new that other fathers don’t do.”
And there my friends…I had my post…and here it is.
Your words about being a dad and a husband touched me more than you know. Not because they were kind and loving but actually, because I think you were wrong.
You are special, you are amazing and you are unique in your parenting and in your role as a husband. Let me explain to you why. The fact that you don’t see what you do or feel, as amazing is exactly the thing that makes you amazing. The fact that because it has come so naturally to you, and you don’t even comprehend that it may not be the norm, is in fact amazing and special.
You take “hands on dad to a whole new level”. I think the hands on dad approach is becoming more common with our generation but it is still special and something to celebrate. I know sometimes I give you a hard time when you say you will “watch” or “babysit”, when it is parenting, but that is just semantics. I know I tease you that you often find friends or grandparents to hang out with when you are on “baby duty” but deep down I know this is because you enjoy the interaction as the extrovert you are and not because you lack confidence or want to pass on the duties of parenting to someone else.
In actuality I believe the contrary. I believe you are one of the most competent and natural parents I have ever seen. You jumped right in to being a dad when our boy was just a zygote and you have been like a fish in water every since. What makes you amazing is that you have no idea how amazing you are. And frankly your humility as a parent is…well…quite sexy.
You seek out opportunities to spend time with our son and with me. You have never shied away from taking on a primary parenting role if I was working or unavailable. You love the bath time and bed time routine. You jump up in the morning no matter how much you would like to sleep in. You take the initiative to sit next to our son at a restaurant and “handle” the process. You jump into boundary setting and discipline with love and eagerness because you want our son to be well rounded and safe. You change diapers with precision and never a complaint. I could go on and on.
When I think about the list above and your words that you don’t think you are amazing, I am astounded. You are an amazing dad and an amazing husband. We are so lucky and now our son is so lucky because he has parents that have a deep love affair and respect for each other. I have always said that parenting doesn’t come with a handbook but as long as you have love and the best intentions you are a head of the game. But you husband, you bring something extra to the table…a huge amount of enthusiasm and willingness. So all I can say is thank you.
I’m glad you are proud of the process and proud of the beautiful child we created, but please be proud of yourself as a husband, as a father, as a person. I know I am.
Happy 2nd Father’s Day to you.
All my Love,